[She can certainly understand that much. It is a heavy thing to carry, and she can already feel it starting to weigh on her, even if she hasn't lived through it yet. One hand comes up to rub at her forehead as she sets back on her heels trying to figure out what to say next.]
And so you think this is better? Me just ... being oblivious? Thinking I can just go home when this is over and everything will be fine?
[That's the part that hurts the most, really. The fact that the future she thought she would have once she saved Thea would be gone. They're supposed to save the day, not be one of the casualties.]
You didn't think to warn Sara before she went home and found out for herself?
I didn't know Sara was going to go home. I guess I should have thought
ahead.
[So many of his relationships lately had been fraught with
difficulty and he didn't want that between him and Laurel. They'd been in a
good place before she died and losing her had been devastating; to lose her
here in the only place he could still see her in would be
impossible.]
I need to stop thinking that I know what's best for everyone and let people
decide that for themselves, huh?
[Only since coming here, to the city, had Oliver begun to understand
both his need for control and the way it was truly destroying the
relationships he had. It was driving wedges between him and those he cared
about most and he needed to just take a step back and stop it.]
I need to know that I control what happens around me instead of the other
way around. I feel like if I control it, then I shoulder the
responsibility. I control the outcome.
Yeah, but ... you can't control other people, Oliver.
[She sighs heavily as she goes to sit on his couch, running her hands over her face.]
Not when it's about them. Not when it's their lives that they need to make decisions about. Telling people the truth isn't going to drive them away. And not everything that happens in Star City is your fault.
I can't help but think that your death is on my hands. If only I hadn't been so desperate to kill him, to take him out - maybe you'd have been all right.
[Still, she was right. She had chosen to be Black Canary, had trained, had fought with him. He couldn't control everything about her life.]
[She licks her lips for a moment, because she isn't sure she should ask this question, but part of her needs to know. She needs to know how much agency she had in her own death, even if it doesn't seem like there's much.
She reaches forward, gesturing for him to sit next to her so they can have this conversation eye to eye.]
[Oliver sat next to her, close enough that he could reach out and touch her if he needed to if only to assure himself that she was there and well and not some figment of his imagination.]
We'd fought Darhk, tried to corner him. You got wounded and we thought it was going to be okay, that we got you to the hospital in time. You were lying there fine one minute and the next...
[She can fill in the blanks there. It's certainly not the way she would have wanted to die, but no one actually wants to die. She pauses for a moment, before reaching over to take his hand.]
[Oliver squeezed her hand tight and held it for a moment before responding. He needed to ground himself in the fact that here and now, she was all right.]
We have to. He's taken too much from us, Laurel, and we need to put a stop to that. There's no way I can let him live. I know I swore not to kill again but...I've got to make an exception.
[She weighs that for a moment, because she knows how she's reacted to Oliver killing in the past, but there was a rage to it before that was unhealthy and dangerous. This is a violence that Oliver is looking to control. He's considering carefully, and as much as she wants to agree that yes, Damian Dahrk should die for what he's taken from her, it's still a heavy decision.]
I understand.
[She does.]
Just be careful you don't lose yourself in the process.
It's not ... this isn't about morals, Ollie. This is about you.
[Because she's pretty sure that Damian Darhk is a man who deserves to die. It's a line that should be crossed for the damage he's done. But at the same time, she doesn't want Oliver to slip back to who he was when he first came back from the island.]
It's a slippery slope to slide down. I don't want to see you to go back to who you were four years ago. Not because of me.
I would, though. If it meant avenging you, I would sacrifice myself and that's scary to me, Laurel.
[It took a lot for Oliver to admit that and he hoped that Laurel could recognize that and recognize the steps he was taking to be honest and open with her. He cared about her - her, Sara and Felicity - and he didn't want to lose them.]
[Laurel watches him for a moment, before she reaches forward and brushes her hand against the side of his face gently. Even if they're not together anymore, and even if he's with someone else, she's always going to care about and want the best for Oliver. He's too important to her for her not to.]
You're not the Vigilante anymore, Ollie. It's not all you are, and you don't have to be. You've come so far, and I don't want you to fall back there for me.
[Oliver didn't want to go back to that place either, even if it was on behalf of someone as important to him as Laurel, and he reached for her hand and touched it lightly.]
Well, you know, now I'm here. I'm working on changing that future for you in the safest way that I know how. I'm working on it and Felicity's working on it so I think...I think we have a good chance.
[She swallows hard and nods because she's still not sure how she feels about that. She's not saying she wants to die, because she doesn't, but she also doesn't want there to be other consequences and fallout from the process either. Sara mentioned that if Rip had taken her back in time to save her, they would have all died, her, Sara, and her father.
She can't help but wonder what the ripple effects would be of them saving her here. She can't help but wonder what the costs are, because she doesn't want anyone else to suffer because of her.
But she also can't help but be glad that she has such amazing friends and family, who are willing to do this for her.]
Sara too. That was her new incentive when she came back.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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And so you think this is better? Me just ... being oblivious? Thinking I can just go home when this is over and everything will be fine?
[That's the part that hurts the most, really. The fact that the future she thought she would have once she saved Thea would be gone. They're supposed to save the day, not be one of the casualties.]
You didn't think to warn Sara before she went home and found out for herself?
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I didn't know Sara was going to go home. I guess I should have thought ahead.
[So many of his relationships lately had been fraught with difficulty and he didn't want that between him and Laurel. They'd been in a good place before she died and losing her had been devastating; to lose her here in the only place he could still see her in would be impossible.]
I need to stop thinking that I know what's best for everyone and let people decide that for themselves, huh?
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We've only been trying to tell you that since you got back from the island.
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It's control, I need control.
[Only since coming here, to the city, had Oliver begun to understand both his need for control and the way it was truly destroying the relationships he had. It was driving wedges between him and those he cared about most and he needed to just take a step back and stop it.]
I need to know that I control what happens around me instead of the other way around. I feel like if I control it, then I shoulder the responsibility. I control the outcome.
no subject
[She sighs heavily as she goes to sit on his couch, running her hands over her face.]
Not when it's about them. Not when it's their lives that they need to make decisions about. Telling people the truth isn't going to drive them away. And not everything that happens in Star City is your fault.
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[Still, she was right. She had chosen to be Black Canary, had trained, had fought with him. He couldn't control everything about her life.]
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She reaches forward, gesturing for him to sit next to her so they can have this conversation eye to eye.]
How did it happen?
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We'd fought Darhk, tried to corner him. You got wounded and we thought it was going to be okay, that we got you to the hospital in time. You were lying there fine one minute and the next...
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[She can fill in the blanks there. It's certainly not the way she would have wanted to die, but no one actually wants to die. She pauses for a moment, before reaching over to take his hand.]
You'll stop him, Oliver.
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We have to. He's taken too much from us, Laurel, and we need to put a stop to that. There's no way I can let him live. I know I swore not to kill again but...I've got to make an exception.
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I understand.
[She does.]
Just be careful you don't lose yourself in the process.
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Going that far again...I'm not sure if I should but I'm willing to sacrifice my own moral code for the greater good.
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[Because she's pretty sure that Damian Darhk is a man who deserves to die. It's a line that should be crossed for the damage he's done. But at the same time, she doesn't want Oliver to slip back to who he was when he first came back from the island.]
It's a slippery slope to slide down. I don't want to see you to go back to who you were four years ago. Not because of me.
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[It took a lot for Oliver to admit that and he hoped that Laurel could recognize that and recognize the steps he was taking to be honest and open with her. He cared about her - her, Sara and Felicity - and he didn't want to lose them.]
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You're not the Vigilante anymore, Ollie. It's not all you are, and you don't have to be. You've come so far, and I don't want you to fall back there for me.
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Well, you know, now I'm here. I'm working on changing that future for you in the safest way that I know how. I'm working on it and Felicity's working on it so I think...I think we have a good chance.
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She can't help but wonder what the ripple effects would be of them saving her here. She can't help but wonder what the costs are, because she doesn't want anyone else to suffer because of her.
But she also can't help but be glad that she has such amazing friends and family, who are willing to do this for her.]
Sara too. That was her new incentive when she came back.
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[For better or worse, she can't imagine her life without Oliver. She doesn't want him to be in a position where he actually has to live without her.]
We've been part of each other's lives for too long for that.
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[She sighs as she leans back against the couch.]
Mind if I hang out here for a bit? I just ... not really sure I'm good to be alone right now.
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[And for the night they will hang out, just like the good old days. /scene]